According to Dr. Jennifer Rhodes, a dating specialist and psychologist, if you wind yourself in the incorrect sort of relationship—that is, one that stimulates your attachment style—you may find it impossible to function. Instead of making you feel loved and supported, your spouse may unintentionally exacerbate your anxiety.
Your attachment style is shaped by how you were parented. It's a combination of whether you felt safe and secure as a child and whether you had close relationships with your parents.
Some people are prone to worry when they feel disconnected from others. If this is you, then you need to understand that your partner's absence will cause you pain and leave you craving attention and affection. However, there are ways to manage your anxiety without exacerbating the problem.
The first thing you should do if you're in a troubled relationship is to seek help. Your anxiety might be caused by something else; for example, you both might have drug or alcohol problems. In such cases, counseling is necessary so you can work out your issues and try to resolve them.
If you don't fix the root cause of your anxiety, then no matter what type of relationship you're in, you'll always be at risk of it worsening.
Relationships that are anxious-avoidant can work, but occasionally couples are simply incompatible. Attachment anxieties may not be deal breakers on their own, but they might be when combined with incompatible needs and beliefs. Anxious or avoidant behaviors may serve to protect someone from being hurt again, but these defenses can also prevent them from experiencing intimacy and happiness.
Anxious or avoidant behaviors may not be apparent right away, but over time they will likely cause problems in a relationship. If you are aware of any anxious or avoidant behaviors in your partner, discuss this topic with them so that you can better understand each other's needs and feelings.
People who suffer from relationship anxiety may choose to leave their relationships out of fear, or they may choose to stay in the relationship but with significant dread. The repercussions of this anxiety might make it difficult for a person to operate in a relationship. Each of them will be discussed in further depth in the sections that follow.
However, if you are worried or insecurely connected, like I am, you will probably read this and exclaim, "A Ha!" and a light bulb will go out above your head. If you are anxiously connected, you will have worry if your spouse is removed from you or will not feel emotionally comforted by them.
When you're attached, you'll feel compelled to see or hear from your spouse on a daily basis. When this doesn't happen, as relationship expert Vikki Ziegler tells Bustle, you're likely to feel rejected and hurt. Being emotionally attached is not the same as being physically connected. "You'll remember your lover with passion and affection," she says.
Changes in the relationship or in the person are one of the key reasons why individuals lose attraction in a relationship. If your lover has changed significantly in the last few months, either physically or intellectually, you may find yourself less attracted to him. Perhaps your interpersonal dynamics have changed as well. Are you putting in additional hours?
For example, one person may have a "deep desire" for the other in a physical or intellectual sense, but the relationship remains superficial. Someone who is connected may be in a relationship to meet a need or to fill a gap.