It is possible to be friends immediately after a split, although it is uncommon. "Yes, it is possible to be friends with an ex shortly after the split," Celia Schweyer, dating specialist at Dating Scout, tells Elite Daily. "However, it does not mean that you will get back together."'
Being friendly with your ex can help ease the pain of losing them as a partner and aid your recovery process. It also gives you another opportunity to prove yourself worthy of their love.
"Lovers break up for many reasons, but one of them is because they are too different," Dr. Pepper Schwartz, author of Love's Enduring Legacy: When Two People Who Love Each Other Set Themselves Free, says in an interview with Elite Daily. "They don't see eye to eye on values, goals, or what makes them happy. By being friends, they are only proving how important these differences are to them."
Schwartz goes on to say that even though you might want to rush into healing your heart by getting back with your ex, this isn't the best thing for you or him/her. "Giving yourself time to heal from a broken heart is important," she says. "Holding out hope that someone will come along and save you from your own feelings is just adding more pain than it is relieving.
After a split, you may be inclined to make contact with your ex. Attempting to form a friendship before you're ready, on the other hand, might cause more harm than good. According to Susan J., even if becoming friends with your ex is in the cards for you and your ex (spoiler alert: it isn't for everyone), it shouldn't happen immediately soon. "Let time heal all wounds," she says.
Susan also has some advice about how to go about being friendly with your ex: If you really want to be friends with your former partner, she suggests taking it slow and giving it time. Don't expect to jump back into your old relationship right away after a break up - and don't expect your ex to either. They might feel like it's too early, or that they're still hurting too much from the loss, to consider rekindling their romance with you.
Finally, she has some words of wisdom for those who think it's OK to be friends with their ex: "Don't do it unless you both really want to be friends." If you force the issue and try to become close with your ex when they don't want to be friends yet, you'll only hurt yourself and them.
In short, yes, it's OK to be friends with your ex. As long as you aren't trying to force them into something they aren't ready for, there's no reason why you can't keep in touch with someone you was once married or in a relationship with.
Friendship with an ex is feasible, according to experts, but there is a catch. You must both confess that you don't function well together as a relationship. Maintaining a healthy relationship after a divorce necessitates both parties "recognizing what worked about the partnership and what did not," according to Dr. Pamela Wright, a family therapist in San Francisco.
If one party remains committed to the friendship, then the other can change their behavior toward them if they want to keep the bond strong.
Here are some tips on how to stay sane while dealing with an ex:
Know when to let it go. If your ex keeps trying to get back in your life by contacting you or showing up where you live, then it's time to cut them off. Even if you still love them, you need to show them that any contact from you will only cause pain for you both.
Don't take it personally. It's easy for someone else's success to become our own failure, so if an ex gets along well with another person, we assume that we aren't doing anything right. This isn't true; it's just how people work. Everyone has their own path in life and will likely find value in different things.
After you've let go of a past relationship, don't dwell on it.
You can be friends with your ex if neither of you has romantic feelings for the other and the relationship was not poisonous or abusive. She emphasizes that in order to be friends, you must no longer feel resentful, wounded, or angry against them. You are free to love again, but you must not hold this failure against your ex.
If you do have romantic feelings for your ex, even though he or she may not return these feelings, then you should stop seeing each other immediately. If you are still seeing each other several months later, it could damage your ability to move on with your life.
Being friends with an ex means that you don't expect anything from them other than friendship. This doesn't mean that they aren't allowed to date anyone else- just like you are able to date others even after you broke up with them. It's merely being friends that allows them this freedom.
It is difficult when you are going through a breakup to keep friends who weren't important to begin with. But remember that even though you were only together for a short time, you had some good times together. Don't let a bad situation ruin something good by leaving you feeling bitter toward them. Even though they are now with someone new, they still care about you and want the best for you.
To begin with, it will be nearly hard to be friends with your ex immediately following the separation. You'll be far too needy and really desire your ex. During the breakup, your highly emotional condition would cause you to act on impulse and do uncontrollable things. Your ex will no doubt blame themselves for the break up and feel guilty about it.
It is normal to want to keep some type of connection with your ex, especially during such a difficult time. However, if you don't move on then you'll never find true happiness again. Trying to make your ex happy when they have other relationships to worry about is not fair to them or enjoyable for you. By keeping connections with your ex, you are only hurting yourself in the long run.
If you truly want to be friends with your ex then you should try not to think about them all the time. Remember that they have other friends that they can turn to for support right now. If you come across as desperate or clingy, then they will most likely avoid you.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to get out there again. Find new friendships that bring you joy and forget about the past. As long as you still love your ex, then they must still care about you too. Give them time to deal with their feelings before trying to talk again, otherwise, you might just end up hurting each other even more.