The love avoidant creates an appearance of closeness, care, and connection in the early phases of addicted relationships. They create an instant relationship to their love-addicted spouse and idealize them. They look lovely, robust, stimulating, kind, generous, and committed (all seductive maneuvers). Then, when their addiction is not met with the attention or involvement they want, they grow cold. Suddenly, the lover is no longer considered good enough to stay. Even though the avoidant loves someone very much, they cannot commit to a single relationship for long.
An avoidant loves too deeply and leaves too soon. Because they don't want to get hurt, they force themselves to leave before they are ready. This makes the addict feel special because they're not being discarded like other people have been. However, the fact that the avoidant loves so deeply makes it difficult for them to move on when the time comes.
Avoidants tend to have many broken hearts. It's hard for them to keep loving when love isn't returned. Sometimes they try to change, but they just aren't capable of giving love unconditionally. So they wait until they find someone who can meet them halfway - who wants a close relationship but not too close. Someone who feels loved but doesn't make us feel guilty if we want to spend time away from them. This is why addicts often find true love with an avoidant.
While the love avoidant may develop addictions in order to keep themselves apart-work, substance abuse, sexual encounters, and so on-their spouse may have no idea what sparked this behavior and begin to blame themselves. Love avoidants frequently attract love junkies mysteriously. Sometimes an addiction will manifest itself in a love-seeking behavior while others remain oblivious to their condition.
Love addicts cannot stay away from those they love. They require attention and affection in order to feel alive. Without it, they suffer from deep depression which often leads them to make irrational decisions or engage in self-destructive behaviors. Love addicts will go to any length to get their needs met. This can include stealing from spouses or children, using drugs and alcohol excessively, and committing acts of violence.
Love avoidants are people who have issues with intimacy. They may feel uncomfortable being close to others because they're looking for signs that their love is not worth investing energy in. If they give their love to the right person, they will change this habit.
Intimate relationships are difficult for anyone who avoids feelings. You must deal with your emotions upfront in order to have healthy relationships with others. Love avoidants usually have problems with trust and faithfulness. If you are involved with such a person, try not to take their lack of interest in love affairs as rejection.
They frequently believe that they are not good enough for this sort of person to adore them. As the anxious person expresses a desire for deeper intimacy or commitment, the avoidant will retreat and feel nervous that they are being smothered or forced into something they don't want in the relationship.
In reality, an avoidant is just as capable of loving and trusting another person as any other type of partner, but because their fear of rejection is so strong, they need some assurance that what they feel for someone is wanted and accepted before they are willing to take the risk and express their feelings.
Avoidant partners tend to come from families where emotional connection was not given importance. They may also have experienced early trauma such as physical abuse or sexual exploitation that has left them with intense fears relating to these subjects.
These fears often cause them to withdraw from relationships when they perceive that they are not going to be accepted or loved back. It is important for avoidants to learn how to communicate their needs and desires in a healthy way so that they can get the love and affection they crave.
It is also helpful if they can learn to trust others so that they aren't always afraid that someone will reject them. With time and effort, they can work through their issues with anxiety and depression so that they are able to focus on the positive aspects of life instead of being consumed by worry and fear.