Fear and hope keep narcissistic relationships in place. It might be heartbreaking to having given your all to a narcissist just to have them find a new lover within weeks of a breakup. Because you can witness their new "loved-up" relationship blossom on Instagram, social media hastens this tragedy. You want to believe that next time out they'll be different, but then they show up with another ego boost followed by another break-up letter.
Narcissists are expert at breaking down emotional walls through abuse. They may insult you or deny your feelings, but they're always looking for a way in. If you don't give them access, then there's no need for them to change.
The threat of abandonment is what keeps most people in toxic relationships. Whether it's fear of being alone, feeling like a failure, or simply not being good enough, most people stay because they think that if they leave they will be seen as weak. But narcissists do not see strength in others. They see it in themselves and know they can take or leave you at any moment.
Narcissists are incapable of loving someone else while still being in love with themselves. This is why they must constantly increase their supply of love by taking out their anger on you. Narcissists are unable to feel remorse or guilt so they view you as an object instead.
You've probably realized by now how damaging a relationship with a narcissist can be. However, this isn't the scariest part – the breakup is much scary than the relationship itself. The combination of the poisonous relationship and the acrimonious split makes it extremely difficult to heal from a relationship with a narcissist.
However, there are methods that can help reduce your pain and get your life back on track. Here are some steps that you should take to heal from a relationship with a narcissist:
1. Focus on yourself - first and foremost, you need to focus on yourself during this time. Try not to worry about what happened in the relationship or why the narcissist acted like he/she did. This isn't the time to analyze the relationship or try to figure out what went wrong. All you can do right now is focus on yourself so that you can better cope with future relationships and changes in your life.
2. Don't try to re-live the past - even if the narcissist does something nice for you once in a while, don't let it happen again. Remember how bad things were for you during the times the narcissist was abusive? Well, don't go back to that place ever again. Keep yourself protected at all times and don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it.
Because their original sentiments regarding the relationship were either false or absent, most real narcissists do not require time to heal following a breakup. It's not uncommon for a narcissist to have someone ready to step in as a fresh source of support or to have a meticulously prepared exit strategy.
However, some narcissists may become involved with or show interest in other people without intending to commit to them. If this happens, they are just as likely to break up with one person as another. The only difference is that they will be much more likely to fall for any opportunity that comes their way.
Narcissists are often thought of as being cold and callous, but this is not always true. They can get hurt just like anyone else and may cling to someone who leaves them feeling unloved or unworthy. Narcissists look outside themselves for love and acceptance and usually want to be wanted for who they are instead of what they have or don't have. This is why many narcissistic individuals find it difficult to maintain long-term relationships. They expect their partners to give them everything they need from a partner and when they don't get it, they move on.
It is important to understand that even though they may seem like they do not care, a lot of narcissists are actually very sensitive and may cry easily.
Narcissists lose interest when the expectation of intimacy grows, or after they have won their game. Many people have difficulty maintaining relationships for more than six months to a few years. They value power over connection and despise vulnerability as a sign of weakness. If a narcissist feels threatened or humiliated, they will often end the relationship.
Narcissists are egotistical and believe that they are special and deserve happiness and love. They may appear confident and attractive but inside they are insecure and need to be admired. Without admiration, they suffer from low self-esteem. Relationships with narcs are usually short-lived because they want to be adored and don't want to risk losing this feeling.
Narcissists can't commit because it would limit their ability to control you. It's better if you don't invest too much time or energy into a relationship with a narcissist because they won't appreciate it.
They may pretend to like you at first but soon they will move on to the next victim who will fail to meet their needs. This is why it's important to understand how narcissists function so that you don't get caught up in their games.
As a result, narcissists tend to have a series of short-term relationships that don't endure long and are typically devoid of much closeness, according to him. Shrira claims that even when they're in a relationship, they're always on the hunt for new companions and a better offer. This is why narcissists can be difficult to build trust with, since they lack interest in others' feelings first.
Narcissists are obsessed with attention and love them if you give them both, but as we know from experience and research, it's extremely rare for a narcissist to invest themselves in someone else fully. In fact, studies show that almost all narcissists end up alone or divorced by the age of 40.
So, yes, narcissists are capable of intimacy, but only with respect to getting what they want - fame, fortune, etc. In real life relationships, they have no interest in investing time or effort unless it helps them get something they want.