I've written a lot about how "no contact" as a method to win an ex back is frequently a desperate and deceptive attempt to play on someone's fear of rejection and/or abandonment and get them back into a relationship that they walked away from, sometimes for good cause. But there are times when people do go no contact because it makes sense behaviorally even if it's not what they want to be doing.
In my experience, most people who go no contact don't really want to hurt their exes; they just don't see any other way out. They may believe that by disappearing or changing their phone number, they'll make it easier for their ex to move on. Or they might think that if they can keep their old feelings of love for their ex alive, then their ex will eventually change their mind and want to get back together.
The truth is, unless your ex expresses a clear desire to get back together through words or actions, there's no guarantee that they'll come around. Even if they do, there's no guarantee that things will work out the way you want them to. All we can do is try our best and take risks when we need to.
So how does your ex try to get you back? By showing you that you still mean something to them and that you weren't all in their head.
The key to how to get your ex back after no contact is what you do during the no contact time, not how long you wait. The idea is not to hold out for an extended period of time. This isn't a math problem. The objective is to reestablish a sense of inner serenity and well-being, regardless of how long it takes.
In other words, you need to be patient but not too patient. There is a fine line between these two extremes. If you wait too long, that's when things start to go wrong. Your ex may have found someone new or maybe they've changed their mind. Either way, if you push too hard before the right time comes, you're just going to cause more problems than you solve.
You must also understand that there are some exes who will never come back. No matter what you do, if your ex doesn't want to get back together then there's nothing you can do about it. All you can do is move on with your life.
However, if you do decide to give up on an ex then it's important to remember that karma will always take its course. Whatever negative energy you put out into the world will come back to you. So, if you hate your ex boyfriend/girlfriend then don't text message them or look at their photos on social media sites. Otherwise, the hatred will grow within you and impact your life in negative ways.
The first step in regaining touch with your ex is to discontinue all contact, generally known as the "no contact rule." What exactly does the "no touch" rule imply? The "no touch" rule is strictly enforced. That implies no contact at all. Texting, email, Facebook, or any other form of communication between you and your ex is considered contact! If your ex contacts you, they have breached the rule and lost ground in their quest for healing.
There are two ways to enforce the "no contact" rule: continuously and consistently. Under continuous enforcement, if your ex violates the rule, you must send them a direct message on social media informing them that they have broken the rule and giving them time over a certain period of time to seek help through counseling or other means. If they do not, you will need to continue sending messages until they comply.
Under consistent enforcement, you must send a direct message every time your ex breaks the rule to let them know that they have violated the rule and give them time to get help before resuming contact again. If they do not, you can assume that they no longer want to get back together and you should stop contacting them.
Either way, the goal is the same - to show your ex that you are committed to your own recovery while also demonstrating that you are willing to make changes if they are.