According to experts like Nelson, the only reason to stay with a cheating spouse is if he or she is really and sincerely sorry for the betrayal and willing to strive for your forgiveness. This suggests they recognize the anguish you had after discovering about the affair, Dr. Phil says.
If you do decide to stay in an abusive relationship out of fear of what will happen if you go, then it's time to think about getting out of that situation before you become another victim. If you don't leave now, you may not have a future because staying in an abusive relationship destroys your spirit, and over time, that can cause physical damage to your body as well.
Have both of you attended counseling to help resolve this issue? If not, then you need to consider whether this is marriage material.
In conclusion, affairs are bad news no matter who commits them. If you find yourself in this difficult position, then you should know that there are resources available to you that can help. Contact your local domestic violence center or call 1-800-799-7233 for more information on how to proceed.
Let's go through the six reasons why a wife should NEVER leave an unfaithful spouse. You show others how to treat you. "Maybe next time he'll ponder before he cheats," Carrie Underwood sings, rings true only if she leaves him after the adultery.
1. They believe they are being taken for granted and are unduly responsible for the connection. Both partners must be present for a marriage to work. It takes focus, effort, intention, and effective communication.
If your spouse has been having an affair, he may choose to leave in order to seek a new love engagement with his new partner. In contrast, if you had an affair and your spouse only recently discovered it, he may feel betrayed and no longer want to work on your relationship.
It is also possible for a spouse to leave someone who was never really married in the first place. For example, if I had an affair and my wife found out about it, she might decide that she doesn't want to continue our marriage anymore. She would be able to end our marriage without further obligation simply by filing for divorce.
So why would someone leave their spouse? There are many reasons why people have affairs or try to leave their spouses. Some do so because they can't stand their spouse any more, while others may be emotionally disturbed or have emotional problems themselves. Still other people leave because they feel like they're not being loved or appreciated by their spouses.
People have affairs for many different reasons, but most often it is because they can't live up to their marital obligations through honesty and loyalty. When we break our vows by having an affair, we are essentially saying that what marriage is all about isn't that important to us. We would rather sleep with someone else than tell our spouse how we truly feel!
Remember that infidelity isn't always an indication that your marriage is gone. In fact, some marriage counselors say you should stay with an unfaithful husband since you've already reached rock bottom. If both you and your spouse are eager to salvage your marriage, there is just one way to go. It will be difficult labor, but it will be worthwhile. Keep in mind that nothing can repair a broken spirit or bruised self-esteem. For help, see a counselor.
How to Proceed When Someone Cheats
When someone betrays you, your intellect and emotions tell you to hate, punish, and never forgive. It's difficult to let go of such sentiments. However, forgiving someone for infidelity benefits the faithful person more than the cheater. The rage we experience as a result of adultery is like a poison that lives within us. If not dealt with, it will destroy our own life as well as that of our offender.
The hurt we feel because someone we love has acted unfaithfully is impossible to describe. But forgiveness is always possible. And once you have forgiven, the memory of your lover's betrayal becomes a lesson learned, not a torture endured.
Forgiveness is an act of love. And when you learn to forgive, you free yourself up to move on with your life.
Many deceived spouses have already progressed to the point where they comprehend the infidelity scenario. This unfaithful spouse expresses genuine regret, the third party is long gone, and the prospect of a new relationship is appealing. In fact, some experts claim that 90% of all marriages with an involved third party will eventually recover.
The remaining 10% of couples are in deep water and unlikely to survive. For these pairs, there's no moving on, there's only moving on if and when your spouse decides to get back together again.
If you're one of these rare couples who has decided that it's time to end the marriage, here's how:
1. Give yourself time. It takes about six months for a married couple to reach sexual intimacy again after one or both partners joins a new affair. So don't be surprised if it takes your spouse more than a year to fully heal from this type of trauma.
2. Understand that healing takes time. Even if your spouse seems ready to move on, don't force the issue. Give them space and let them come to you.
3. Be patient. Some couples can quickly move past their marital problems but others require more time. All things considered, most people take about a year to recover from an involved third party relationship.