Reaching out may not yield the desired results and may even make you feel worse. According to Dr. Franco, you should consider if you have the psychological resources to deal with it right now. "If the response is no," she explained, "then I wouldn't reach out for closure at this time when you're feeling so vulnerable."
If you do decide to reach out to your friend, here are some tips from Dr. Franco on how to do it without pushing them away further.
First, understand that not all friends want to be reached out to. Some people may feel uncomfortable with your inquiry and might even take it as a sign of you wanting to repair the relationship.
That being said, if you still want to know what happened, ask directly rather than making assumptions about their behavior. For example, you can say something like, "I'm curious about what happened between us. Did I push you too far when I asked you not to call me ever again? I felt horrible after we had that fight and didn't know how to get through to you."
The objective is not to punish yourself or seek revenge but to learn more about their side of the story so you can move forward together.
Finally, remember that relationships are not black and white. Everyone has good days and bad days, and sometimes they may say or do things they don't mean to hurt others.
Sometimes we don't know what we need or are skeptical of what someone can provide. That's OK; it shouldn't deter us from reaching out. It's alright if you have no clue what you need or desire, especially if all you can think about is how badly you ache. Tell someone how you're feeling.
Our purpose is to assist people in times of trouble by giving online emotional support. Everyone is invited to discuss what is giving them discomfort. Our crisis counselors will listen to you without passing judgment and will make you feel cared for and secure.
Make eye contact. When you learn of someone's problem, whether it's a divorce or break-up, a sickness, or the loss of a loved one, reach out to them as quickly as possible. People in tough or crisis situations often feel isolated. Having someone to talk to who understands what they're going through can make all the difference.
Show your care and concern. Let them know you are listening and that you are there for them if they need you. Giving comfort to a friend who is hurting reduces their pain and makes them feel less alone.
Spend time together. Even if only for a few minutes, take time out of your day to call or text a friend. You will be surprised at how much better you will feel after just a few moments talking with someone who knows you well.
Do something fun with them. Whether it's going for a coffee or taking them out for dinner, sharing a fun activity with a friend is great for feeling happier.
Try something new together. Whether it's learning something new from each other's experiences or trying something crazy (like dancing or rollerblading!), getting out there and having some fun together will make you both feel better about yourself and your lives in general.
Never stay friends with someone you're romantically interested in only to be "near" to them or to avoid losing them. It makes you feel less capable. More precisely, it immerses you in their mindset to the point where you lose yourself. You become like them - or at least that's how it feels!
The other person has the power to destroy your sense of self. If you truly want to remain true to yourself, then you can't let anyone do that. Especially not when there's no real reason for it.
If you find yourself thinking about someone too much or feeling miserable when they're not around, then you need to ask yourself if what you have is more than a friendship. If the answer is yes, then you should try to work through your issues instead of just running away from them.
Remember, relationships are not meant to hurt you but to help you grow. So don't hesitate to take a step back if needed so you can maintain your integrity.
When a friend suffers an accident, make time and make a delightfully persistent effort to reach out, offering love, support, and a listening ear. You never know when you'll be on the receiving end of anything. Be the assistance you deserve to get eventually. Nardi, D. (2011). Radiance House, Los Angeles, California, page 118.
When someone you care about experiences pain or discomfort, it can be difficult to know what to do to help them. Being there for them during a hard time is important, but so is giving them some space if they need it. Sometimes people want to talk, but other times they just want to be left alone. That's okay; everyone needs time off duty from being a caretaker.
Here are some ideas for what to do when your friends face injury:
Give them space. Let them come to their own conclusion about how much information they want to share with you at this time. Don't force them to talk about what happened if they don't want to. Give them time to recover before trying again.
Listen. Even if they don't want to talk right now, they might change their mind later. If you wait too long to listen, you could lose your chance to learn more about what happened.
Check in regularly. Show that you're still interested in what's going on in their lives by keeping up with their activities and asking about them occasionally.
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