"I am deeply sorry that this occurred." Instead of saying, "Be optimistic—you have a wonderful future ahead of you." "It's incredible to see you smile today after all this." instead of "It's time to move on." There is no point in telling someone who has just been dumped that they are overreacting. They probably aren't; otherwise, they wouldn't be able to go on living their lives normally.
The person who has been dumped should not take it personally. It's not about them. It's about the other person and what they decided was best for themselves. Don't try to convince them otherwise—it won't work.
Tell someone who has been dumped that they are free to go now if they want to. This shows that you are willing to let them grieve in private instead of dragging them through your own pain.
If the person that has been dumped wants to talk, then listen without interrupting. This will show that you are interested in what they have to say and that you are there for them.
Don't expect the person that has been dumped to call you back immediately. Some people need time to process their feelings before they can move on with their lives. Give them time to feel what they're feeling instead of pushing them to get over it right away.
Consider the following suggestions:
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"I am deeply sorry that this occurred." Instead of saying, "Be optimistic—you have a wonderful future ahead of you." "It's incredible to see you smile today after all this." instead of "It's time to move on."
It might be as easy as informing her that now is not the ideal time to contact her. "I'm sorry, but that won't work for me right now" or "Thank you very much for asking, but I'm going to have to decline" would suffice. You don't need to go into detail about why not now; she should understand.
If you do want to explain further, then you can say things like "I appreciate the offer, but it's best if we don't talk right now." Or perhaps you'd like to add a little motivation behind your decision, such as "Right now is not a good time for me because I'm trying to move forward and forget what happened between us." Either way, just make sure that you are being honest and not hiding anything from her. If you aren't sure how to word things, then simply use examples from previous relationships and apply them to this one. For example, you could say: "I'm sorry, but this isn't going to work out between us. I've been in similar situations before and they didn't end well so I wouldn't wish this upon anyone."
The most important thing is that you are being honest with yourself and her. If you aren't sure how she will take your answer, then ask her directly.
If you don't know what to say or if your relationship ended on terrible terms, consider one of the following statements as a conversation starter: I'm really saddened to learn about John's death. I can image the anguish you must be experiencing. "Would it be good if I dropped by to give my sympathies to the family?" Maybe not the best idea, but it would be nice if you did.
Or you could just sit with yourself for a while and think of something clever to say later.
What are some kind words to say?
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